Sunday, September 30, 2012

Catching up!

It's been quite a bit since my last post. I can't believe how busy I've been, between work, baby Lang, and all of the odds and ends in between, I'm just now catching up on here.

Langston had his 4 month appointment, where he got a total of 4 shots. On the bright side, he's 20 pounds, and 27 inches long and developing "great" they said (always comforting to hear). He's above the 95th percentile for his height and weight, and to prove how big my Little Man is, my friend Sara came over with her daughter (who is only two weeks younger than Lang) and here it is:


Langston rolls over like a pro now, only from belly to back though. He hasn't quite mastered the other way around yet. He's drooling up a storm, and teething like a little (precious) monster. He loves Sophie the Giraffe and chews on her face practically all day. He sits up in his Snug with no problem, and really seems to love Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He's finding his toes, and along with everything else lately, I'll expect to see them in his mouth any day now. He laughs out loud when we read "Baby, Beluga" every night before bed, and most of the time he sleeps through the night. With all of these milestones, I'm still trying to figure out when he stopped being an infant, and became a baby?!


In other news, I've begun my new project (and no, I haven't completed the others haha). At Lang's shower, I was given a million and one receiving blankets. Which, as much as I appreciated every single one of them, I really have no use for them now. So what was I to do? QUILT, of course! So I took the teetering tower of baby blankets, and starting cutting.

So this is where I'm at currently. Hoping to get it finished in the next week or so! I think I'll add more rows on, because I want it to be more rectangular than square. I wanted it to be something Lang could grow into. Nothing is better than a homemade lovie from Mama.

Love you Lang.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

For Kelsey

Lately, it's been extremely easy to catch myself complaining about the little things. It's disgusting how as humans we become so consumed with our own lives, we really forget to take a look around and appreciate it.

My very best friend lost her brother last night. I didn't even need to know the whole story for my heart to completely break. I was embarrassed to think about how I treat the people I know as if they'll be around forever. The human race is flawed, and we're so quick to forget that there is an invisible expiration date stamped on all of us. It leaves you torn. Should I treat every encounter with someone as if it may be the last? Or should I be pushing it into the back of my mind so the thought isn't a constant black cloud overhead?

When someone leaves this life, you can spend the rest of your time thinking about how you wish you would've said more, but at the end of the day you have to just accept the pain and learn to cope. I wish there were things I could say to her that would take the weight off of her shoulders, but I know all too well that time does not heal all wounds. As a friend, all I can do is let her know, I'm here, I'm always here, and I love you. I would do anything in this world to rewind time and change his fate.

I've said goodbye to beautiful people, who never deserved the ending they got. And this week we'll say goodbye to one more.

I'm here, I'm always here, and I love you Kels.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Dealing with your post baby body.

I was never a fan of The Belly.

I had never even touched a pregnant belly, until my own. I was a little creeped out by the look of it, and don't get me started on the bellybutton. So I was extremely surprised at how much I loved my belly once it started to show. Now, it took me quite a bit of time to show. I was probably close to 30 weeks before it really started to bulge, but once it started boy, it did not stop. I was still a little uneasy about other people touching my stomach, but I was the exception to the rule. Langston never stopped moving, so there was always a little roll or kick to feel. So once little Lang finally came out, I was left dealing with the aftermath that is, The Post Baby Body.

Stretch Marks.
Well, they're exactly what they sound like. Ugly, purple, and forever. I was pretty proud that I made it my entire pregnancy with not even one. Until I hit 39 weeks and there they were. Those little devils will be there for life, but at least they'll fade with time.
Side note: Please stop telling me that I'm a tiger that "earned my stripes" because that shit is annoying. I'm a mom, not a damn tiger, and having stretch marks will not have any magical effects on my mothering skills.

They were nice and perky before and during pregnancy, right? And even once you had your little one, they were still great when your milk came in. But now that's said and done, and your girls aren't so great afterall. Don't worry ladies, that's why push up bra's were invented. Buy one, stop complaining.

The Skin.
Oh, did you have a nice, flat, bikini ready belly before? Cool, I didn't. Either way, growing an 8 pound 14 oz baby can really take a toll on your skin, causing it to grow more than you ever thought possible. Now, if you're like me, you're left with a flat stomach BUT you can pull your skin like a rubber band. Sexy. I bet your belly button looks pretty fly too.

And for all you C Section mama's, how about the gnarly 5 inch scar?

I've been battling with my body my entire life, and I was especially self conscious once I had Langston. The truth is, it doesn't matter. My body produced something so special that I can overlook the flaws now. Being comfortable in your post baby body doesn't happen overnight, and it will continue to take time for me to adjust and that's okay. I intend to have plenty more children, and I will gladly accept the bodily flaws that come with it for a house full of babies.

Learn to love your new body.
If you need some help, check out the blog 'The Shape of a Mother'
where fellow mama's are learning to love their new bodies too.

Langston update!
Little man is rolling over from belly to back, and starting to grab and hold toys!
He's also teething, Uh Oh!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I never used to cry...but then I had a baby.

For the record, I didn't ever cry very often at all. I don't like to come off as weak, and I'm not a huge fan of being "in touch with my emotions."
Enter baby Langston, and here come the waterworks!
I just can't help it. I cried the day he was born, and I swear now the littlest thing can bring on the tears. When he makes a precious face while sleeping, when he does something new, when I look at pictures of him as a newborn, it's all the same. Cry. Cry. Cry. It's not even limited to things Langston related, it's everything! I used to think it was just my hormones, but now I think it's just the way I am now.
I read an article last night about Guiliana and Bill Rancic having their baby boy, and I cried. How beautiful it must be after trying so hard, to finally hold that baby. Even if you're not into the celebrity/entertainment gossip, it's still hard to not be extremely happy for them. And isn't Duke such a sweet name!?
All in all, I'm realizing that just because I cry a little easier now, that doesn't make me a weak person. It means that I am in touch with my emotions afterall, and it's actually a good thing. I should be crying over Langston. He's my baby, and he's growing and learning all of the time!
It's amazing what difference 3 months can make!
One week old

3 months old

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Fall is in the air

So I have some great pictures to share thanks to
my lovely best friend, Catie Taylor.
Again, you can check out more of her work Here and Here
She also did Langston's newborn pictures found Here.

(someone was getting sleepy)

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

single mama-ology

Single. Mother.

It's not a dirty word. It doesn't mean I was some floozy who got knocked up and I don't know who the father of my child is. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person for not sticking it out with the father for my child's sake. It doesn't mean I don't love my child, or his father. So stop with your dirty looks, and stop judging me.

It's 2012, people. Aren't we supposed to be accepting and open minded to others that are different from us? Congratulations, you had a baby and your relationship worked out. Would you like a trophy? I promise you my child is just as pretty and precious as yours, and will be just as smart. But the one thing my child will have over you, will be the ability to not judge someone for being different from them. He will grow up with two parents who love him dearly, so I'm not sure what you're complaining about.

Please act your age, and don't make judgements about Langston, his father, or myself.
Good parents aren't defined by whether they're together or not. 
Thank you very much, not really. Bye.

Note: This is obviously not directed towards every woman who has a baby and stayed with the father, just those select few who think they're better than me for it.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. -Denis Leary

Monday, September 3, 2012

Am I normal?

First off, I'm hoping that this is an every other mother ordeal and not just me. Lately, I've seriously been asking myself:

Is it normal to feel this overprotective?!

While I was pregnant, I was in love with the baby growing in my belly. I knew I loved him, and I knew I would do anything to protect him. But then I gave birth, and that feeling of love and protection quadrupled. This is my first child. I was completely brand spanking new to the mothering world, basically not knowing a thing, and I couldn't help but feel like I knew best. When someone was changing him, holding him, or basically doing anything with him, I had an overwhelming urge to do it myself.

Maybe it's a pride thing? Like, no one can comfort my baby like I can, or you don't know what he likes and I do, kind of thing. I just couldn't, and can't help it. I carried him for 9 months. I felt his rolls and tumbles, and even hiccups. He was all mine safe and snug, baking away. So when he made his grand entrance, I was overcome with joy to see the sweet baby that I had felt for so long. There's a connection and bond that's formed from the start, for me at least. I wanted to share him with the world, and show everyone what his father and I had created. But the comfort I felt from having him inside me, I still needed once he was on the outside. I'm hoping this is a feeling that every mother experiences, because it feels so natural to me. The need to protect him, and love him, and let my inner mama bear come out.

In solar system terms, Langston is the Sun, and I'm a planet that lives to orbit around him, soaking up his warmth :)

Saturday, September 1, 2012

An open letter to all of the expecting mama's and papa's

So, you're currently pregnant. Congratulations! If you think pregnancy is tough, you haven't seen anything yet. Swollen ankles, and nausea are about to be the least of your worries. This is an open letter not warning you of how difficult it is to care for a child. This is all about your relationship.

I'm not only a new mama, but a single one too. Whenever I head over to the baby store to grab formula or diapers, it's packed with expecting parents registering for their new bundle of joy. They all look so incredibly happy, filled with anticipation of what's to come. Maybe it's just me going through a rough time, but I find myself snickering on the inside. They have no idea how difficult it gets once the baby arrives. The baby is in no way, the reason for many, many splits that happen after birth. That bouncing baby is a test. It will test the patience, fight, and love you have for one another.

The first big test comes in the hospital. The three of you confined to one small room. Dad is most likely sleeping on that awful pull out loveseat, and mama you won't be sleeping at all. The moment you think you'll get some shut eye the baby starts to cry, and then it's time to eat, and then a nurse is coming to check vitals, and another to clean you up, and yet another to press on your stomach. The two and a half days I was in the hospital I slept probably a total of three hours. Be prepared for the exhaustion to bring out a different side of you. You start snapping at one another, and the eyes start rolling.

You come home, still exhausted but at least thankful to be in a familiar place and the tests just continue. If you decide to breastfeed,  you will start to stare at your husband/boyfriend/fiance while he sleeps and envy him. Trust me, as much as you'll love the bonding of breastfeeding you can't help but want to kick him out of the bed just for the simple fact that it's you up all night, and not him.

And then there's two types of fathers. Ones that do nothing, and ones that smother you. You're trying to dress the baby, and he's on the side of you trying to shove the left arm in the onesie while you are putting the right arm in. Some of you may think that anything is better than a man that does nothing, but you're wrong. Both are tough. You'll never find the perfect blend of nothing and smothering.

So now that you're exhausted, and you can't get the baby to sleep, and you haven't showered in a couple days, enter the hormone blowout. Your body is attempting to adjust to your newly baby free body, and your hormones are going haywire. You're crying whether you're happy, sad, or mad. I was overcome with absolute love and devotion for Langston, but that doesn't mean I didn't cry over everything. I couldn't help it. I cried when it took hours to get him to sleep, I cried if he smiled, I cried because I was in pain. You're just one big cry baby, and those hormones are going to cause fights.

These may seem like extremely petty things, but you will understand one day. Exhaustion can get the best of you, and the first few weeks will be tough. A friend told me if my relationship could make it a year, then I would know it would work forever. Well, mine didn't. Prepare yourself going into it that it will be tough, and without a doubt you are absolutely going to argue. Your life is about to change forever, and the first few weeks after your baby is born is going to decide whether you raise he/she together, or separately. You aren't a bad person if it doesn't work out. It doesn't mean you don't love them. It doesn't mean you want them out of your life. It's just another lesson learned.